it hurts more in the daytime
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
