This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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