Your tits are I can't wait for
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I supernannyed him into submission
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
