I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
