I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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