M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
