I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
