I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
