I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
