my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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