She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
