just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
