i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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