i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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