are you so shy because you have an std?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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