Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
