every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Farmville is her only friend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
