Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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