there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
