dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
