i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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