We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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