I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
