yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
