i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
