U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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