I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
