clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
