I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
