therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
