There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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