I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
