a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
