i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i now understand why vodka
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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