A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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