We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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