I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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