I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hope mine doesn't look like that
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
