i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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