i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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