She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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