i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
