Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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