Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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