I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So many bounce houses so little time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
