eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
