grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want a musical about memes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
