So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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