Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
