if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
