You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
