Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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