All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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