Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
