Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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