Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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