Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
how drunk are you?
Several
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
