your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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